Let’s talk about networking.
Just reading that word probably made you feel something. Maybe a little knot in your stomach. Maybe a flash of memory from that mixer where you stood by the snack table trying to look busy, hoping for someone to come over and talk to you. Maybe the exhaustion that comes from thinking about putting on your “networking face” and working a room.
I get it. For a lot of us—especially those of us who’d rather have a deep conversation with one person than small talk with twenty (or crawl under the table until the event is over)—networking can feel like the worst part of running a business. We know it’s necessary, but it pains us to actually attend a “networking” event. And let’s be real—a lot of us are still shaking off the rust from those pandemic years when our most meaningful social interaction was waving at neighbors from the driveway.
If networking feels awkward, it’s not because you’re bad at it. It’s because you’re doing it wrong. Did that sting a bit? Don’t worry, I’m going to give you some tips to make it better. Remember, networking is a skill and therefore, it needs to be learned and improved over time. Just so you know, I did networking wrong for my first few events after I launched my business, so learn from me.
Perhaps you’re doing it the way someone told you it’s “supposed” to be done. The elevator pitch. The business card shuffle. The aggressive “let’s do coffee” from someone who clearly just wants to sell you something.
That’s not networking. That’s performing. And it’s exhausting. It’s why I have hated going to these events in the past. Now that I’ve changed up my attitude and perspective, it’s actually starting to become fun.
Here’s how my perspective and attitude have shifted. Real networking is just connecting with other humans. And you already know how to do that, you just might need some more practice.
Networking is also about being a good resource for others.
It’s asking people what they need and answering THEIR questions.
It’s giving referrals for people that can help them.
It’s giving quick solutions to problems they mention WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN.
The easy button to making it fun, especially for those who are servant leaders: give more than you take.
Let me show you what I mean. Here are the things I’ve learned and have started to put into practice.
What to Actually Say When You Walk Into a Room
You know that moment when you arrive at a networking event and everyone already seems to be in conversation and you’re standing there wondering where to even start?
Yeah. That moment is the worst. Having flashbacks to middle school dances, anyone?
But here’s the secret: you don’t need a perfectly rehearsed introduction. You just need one simple opener. Walk up to a person or small group of people.
Try saying this: “Hi, I’m [your name]! What brings you here tonight?”
That’s it. Simple. Friendly. And it takes all the pressure off you because now they’re talking. Your best hope is that you ask this before someone asks it of you…LOL.
This opener shifts the spotlight away from you and onto the other person. You’re not trying to impress them or sell them anything. You’re genuinely curious about their answer.
And once they start talking? Ask questions that go deeper than the surface level.
Instead of “What do you do?” try “What do you love most about what you do?”
Notice the difference? One question gets you a job title. The other gets you a story.
People light up when they talk about their passion, not their position. And when someone lights up, that’s when real connection happens.
If they mention a frustration, ask for more information. If there’s an easy solution that you can offer them, do it. Be helpful without expectation. This builds trust. It lets people know that you’re there for more than just a list of leads.
Look for the Human, Not the Sale
Here’s where most networking advice gets it wrong: it treats every interaction like a potential transaction.
But the best connections aren’t about what someone can do for you. They’re about actually getting to know another human being.
So ask the questions that matter:
“Do you have kids?”
“How long have you lived here?”
“What made you start your business?”
“Trying anything new this year?”
These aren’t networking questions. They’re conversation questions. And that’s exactly the point. It’s that small talk we lost our skills at during the pandemic.
When you approach networking as “I’m here to meet interesting people and help where I can” instead of “I’m here to collect leads,” everything changes. You relax. They relax. And suddenly, you’re having an actual conversation instead of performing a networking dance.
Share Something Real About Yourself
Now, at some point in the conversation, you will talk about yourself. That’s normal. That’s good.
But here’s what not to do: launch into your rehearsed elevator pitch about your business and all the services you offer and why they should hire you.
Instead, share something small and real.
Tell them about a challenge you’re facing. Ask them if they know someone who could help you with a challenge. Share a recent win that made you proud. Share something you’re learning or the last great business book you read. Share a mistake you made that taught you something valuable.
Humans connect with humans, not with walking sales brochures.
When you share something genuine—even vulnerable—you give the other person permission to do the same. And that’s when you move from networking to actual relationship building.
How Introverts Can Actually Thrive
Let me tell you something that might surprise you: introverts often make better networkers than extroverts. Given that over half of the population identify as introverts, if you’re one, you’re in good company.
It doesn’t seem like introverts are better networkers when you watch someone effortlessly work a room, chatting with everyone, remembering names, seeming energized by all the interaction. News flash – they’re probably an extrovert. As an introvert, it’s best not to try to imitate them.
Do what introverts do best: shine in one meaningful conversation at a time. It’s the secret sauce to networking as an introvert.
Those deep, meaningful conversations are way more valuable than a stack of business cards from people whose names you’ll forget by tomorrow.
If you’re an introvert, here’s how to make networking work for you:
Give yourself permission to arrive early. This is my downfall, but I’m committed to making a change in this area. If you arrive early, the room is quieter. The energy is calmer. You can have real conversations before it turns into a loud, overwhelming scene. Plus, you avoid that awful moment of walking into a wall of noise and having to figure out where to insert yourself (cue middle school dance memory).
This is the area I am working on the most. My desire to avoid these events causes me to arrive late, and that’s bad form.
Lead with curiosity. Introverts are natural listeners, and that’s your superpower. You don’t need to be the most interesting person in the room. You need to be the most interested. People will remember how you made them feel heard.
It’s okay to step outside for a breather. Seriously. If you need to recharge, step out for a few minutes. Get some air. Reset. Then go back in when you’re ready. There’s no award for staying the longest or talking to the most people.
Skip the small talk and ask something real. “What inspired you to start your business?” “What’s been your biggest challenge this year?” “What are you most excited about right now?” Introverts make people feel safe to open up—and that’s unforgettable.
I have bonded with people over embracing how awkward a networking event is, if it truly is not going well. Another approach – embrace your own awkwardness. Spill your drink? Laugh at yourself while you clean it up. Can’t get the words out? Joke about how you need more coffee. If someone else is awkward, don’t make it worse, encourage them with a light-hearted comment as simple as, “I’m surprised that wasn’t me that did that. Let me help you clean it up.” Connect by letting them know they’re not the only one uncomfortable.
Remember: your presence doesn’t need to be loud to be powerful. Network with intention, not intensity. You’ll walk away with deeper connections than anyone else in the room.
When It’s Time to Wrap Up
Okay, so you’ve had a great conversation. You’ve genuinely connected with someone. Now what?
Simple. Be honest about wanting to stay in touch.
“I really enjoyed this—mind if I grab your card? I’d love to stay in touch.”
That’s it. Simple. Genuine. Zero pressure.
You’re not asking for a meeting.
You’re not pitching your services.
You’re just acknowledging that this was a valuable conversation, and you’d like to continue it.
Most people will be happy to exchange contact information. And if they’re not? That’s okay too.
Not every conversation needs to turn into a long-term connection.
Next week, I’ll discuss what to do after the event.
Let’s Connect
If networking has always felt awkward or forced to you, I want you to know: you’re not alone. And there’s a better way. Give some of these tips a try and see how they improve the networking experience for you. Who knows, you might just find some great friends along the way.
Because at the end of the day, business is about relationships. And relationships start with real, human connection.