I spend a lot of time with a group of other digital marketing agency owners, and we often have conversations about networking. Networking can drain you of energy for many reasons: if you’re an introvert, if you don’t like talking to people, if you don’t value the time you’re putting in.
But here’s the truth – networking should be genuine. If it’s not, people see right through it.
I’ve learned through experience that changing my perspective makes it both enjoyable and fun. If I enter a room looking to get to know people and finding ways to help THEM, it feels less like work and more like fun.
The prevailing myth is that networking exists to find clients, but that’s simply not the case. Treating people like prospects doesn’t just feel bad. It doesn’t work, and it’s absolutely the wrong approach.
The Traditional (Broken) Approach
When most people think about networking, they picture a room full of people in business attire. They envision their preparation for the event as having their elevator pitch rehearsed and flawless, being ready to shake hands and having a pocket full of business cards to hand out. As a final step, they make sure their outfit is on point and that their breath is fresh.
If this is you, you envision that you will spend the entire time talking about business and drifting between short conversations with the hope that one of the people you meet will be your next client.
Sound familiar?
The problem is, if you think this is what networking is all about, I need to give you some direct advice – you need a whole new approach and mindset. Here’s the thing, networking is about more than talking about business. It’s about getting to know people. When someone enters a conversation with an agenda, the other person feels it, and that feeling is not a good one. What happens next is a subtle but unmistakable shift in the room’s energy, a vague sense of being seen only with dollar signs rather than as a person. The willingness to continue the conversation, whatever it was, ends quickly.
Beyond being ineffective, this approach is exhausting. When you try to turn every social interaction into a sales operation your energy gets trained, your relationships get distorted, and every interaction leaves you feeling hollow.
What Networking Actually Is
Real networking isn’t a tactic, it’s a way to develop relationships. It’s the practice of showing up to conversations curious about the other person, not as a vehicle for your next deal, but as a human being worth knowing.
That reframe sounds simple, but it’s not easy. When you stop treating networking as prospecting and start treating it as relationship-building, something interesting happens: the pressure vanishes. You stop rehearsing your pitch and start listening. You stop performing and start connecting. And those genuine connections? They create opportunities that no amount of strategic schmoozing ever could.
The old question most people bring into a room is: “What can I get from this conversation?” The better question is: “How can I help this person?”
The Power of “How Can I Help?”
The most magnetic networkers aren’t the loudest in the room, they’re the most generous. They walk into every interaction looking for ways to be helpful, and that posture is magnetic. These people are the connectors and their generosity in networking doesn’t require grand gestures.
Making connections looks like introducing two people who should know each other, sharing an article relevant to someone’s challenge, offering a word of encouragement when someone’s in the weeds, or simply asking a thoughtful question that makes someone feel genuinely seen.
None of this requires a strategy deck or an elevator pitch. It requires paying attention and genuinely engaging with other people on a personal, not just business, level. When you consistently show up this way, people don’t just remember you, they want to stay in your orbit.
Why Relationships Lead to Clients (Without Chasing Them)
Here’s the counterintuitive truth at the heart of relationship-first networking: the less you chase clients, the more they naturally come to you.
The mechanism is simple. Genuine relationships build trust which creates visibility which generates referrals. Referrals become opportunities. It’s a ripple effect, not a funnel, and it compounds over time in ways that cold outreach never will. Meeting people allows you to learn who they help and that allows you to refer other people to them. When you start referring people out to others, others do the same for you.
Think about your own buying behavior. When you need a lawyer, a designer, a coach, a landscaper, do you Google strangers, or do you call the person you’ve been quietly impressed by for the last two years? Do you do a Google search or do you go to your social media groups to ask others who they would recommend? People buy from those they know, like, and trust. Relationships are the engine of that trust. When you recommend someone to others, they trust your recommendation. That will be the same for people who recommend you.
The parallel to marketing is direct: just as buyers move through stages of awareness before they’re ready to purchase, people in your network are quietly tracking you, watching how you show up, taking note of your generosity, filing you away for the moment their need meets your name. They’re also keeping you in mind to refer to others who may need your services.
Practical Ways to Network with Intention
Shifting to a relationship-first approach doesn’t require a personality transplant. It requires a few deliberate habits:
Ask questions that go beneath the surface. Not just “What do you do?” but “What’s been most energizing about your work lately?” or “What challenge are you working through right now?”
Listen more than you speak. Resist the urge to respond with your own story. Ask the follow-up questions with genuine curiosity. People remember who made them feel heard, and they always like to share their knowledge with others.
Stay in touch without a transaction in mind. Check in because you’re thinking of someone, not because you need something. Share a relevant article, or congratulate them on a win you noticed.
Follow up genuinely. Don’t send the “It was nice meeting you” email. Send one that reminds them of what you discussed. Make it personal, not a business transaction.
Be genuinely curious. People can detect the performatively curious because their questions are generic. Genuine curiosity involves digging deep through the follow up questions. Assume every person has something to teach you. You’ll be right more often than not.
What to Do Instead of Pitching
The pitch has its place—but a networking event isn’t it. When you lead with what you sell, you’ve already lost. Instead, lead with curiosity. Try openers like:
- “Tell me more about what you’re working on right now.”
- “What’s been exciting for you lately, professionally or otherwise?”
- “How did you get into this work? What drew you to it?”
- “What’s been the most interesting challenge you’ve navigated recently?”
Your work doesn’t have to be a secret, it will come up organically when it’s relevant. When someone asks what you do, answer honestly and briefly, then redirect your curiosity back toward them. Let the relationship breathe before you ask it to carry weight.
Redefining What Success Looks Like
If you’ve been measuring networking success by leads generated or clients closed, it’s time to update your metrics. That framework turns relationships into transactions, and the moment a person senses that’s how you see them, you’ve lost them.
A more honest, more sustainable results tab might look like this: How many conversations left you genuinely energized? How many people do you now know a little better than you did before? How many connections did you make for others, with no expectation of return? How many of these people do you genuinely want to know better?
Those touch points feel like soft metrics, but they’re not. They’re the foundation of a reputation that compounds over years into a network that works for you: referrals, introductions, and opportunities, without you having to hustle for any of it.
A Philosophy to Carry With You
Build relationships, not pipelines. Make connections first, and seek opportunities second. Look for ways in which you can help others rather than gain things for yourself.
The goal is not immediate results, it’s lasting impact. You don’t have to turn yourself into a sales machine to build a thriving business or career. You just have to show up genuinely, be curious about people, and trust that the relationships you invest in will return that investment in ways you can’t always predict or control, but can always count on. Keep showing up and then do the follow up. Refer the people that you met to others. Get to know people that you click with on a deeper level over time.
Networking That Feels Good And Works
The shift from transactional to relational networking doesn’t just feel better, it’s more effective and sustainable. Most importantly, it should feel like you, increasing your network, increasing your circle and becoming a valuable member of a community working together for success.
Your next networking event isn’t a pipeline-building exercise, it’s an invitation to meet people that may be interesting, learn something new, and maybe, to be quietly useful to another human being.
So, get out there and meet people. That’s the whole strategy. And, be patient. It takes time and energy, but what you put in will reap rewards later.